Get it right, I am not talking about controlling your thoughts here, but am simply talking about the knowledge or thoughts and the emotion and then consciously changing them.
Hold on, I hear you say impossible, well I say it is possible. Look at this scenario if you have a toddler in your neighborhood, you might remember diverting the toddlers attention whenever he/ she was about to do something that might cause injury or pain. You might have recalled diverting the toddler's attention with toy or something else he/she might enjoy. Or imagine it being done by another person if you do not have toddler around your neighborhood.
The main aim is to re-focus the toddler's attention towards something that was more desirable than the "danger" activity that she/he was focused on.
Can you imagine how it works like magic, the same is true for you when you are feeling like a victim or martyr and its keeping you stuck in the past or you are deeply into blaming yourself or your ex for what happened and the blame is holding back from the life you want. Have you discounted your feelings, okay, you can just in 2 minuets choose which one you will focus and which one you aren't so that you start to feel better and move towards your healing.
Without keeping you in suspense, let me reveal the techniques, after all am here to make you feel better and not worst. Hey use this techniques when those negative thoughts and feelings keeps on ringing on your head like school bell, I know you've waited long for these to expose this powerful secrets. But get this in your head negative thought and feelings can become a habit but they can also be changed.
Sit quietly especially in a quiet place, for example your bathroom.
It is time to relax, close your eyes, take a deep breath, try as much as possible to breath into your feet so that you feel grounded and connected to the earth. Ensure you feel yourself slowing down and your breathing deepen, let say for 15 seconds
Put your brain to work, ask yourself why you are having a negative thought? What exactly are you thinking? for example am I a loser when it comes to relationship.
Then ask yourself if you know the answer to your question, that is are you negative thoughts true. Can you find evidence to the contrary? Chances are you can find somewhere in your life where your thoughts cannot be substantiated.
Okay, quickly bring your attention to your heart or gut area and feel the sensations in your body. (what exactly are you feeling in your body right now? Is there tightness, a big knot, emptiness, heaviness? ) allow your sensations to be there without judging them and breath into the area, breath into that heaviness until the sensations softens. If you felt a knot in your area, breath into that knot until it starts to loosen.
Finally replace the limiting, self-defeating "drama" running in your head to one that is more in alignment with what you want in your life, because the reality is that both the outcomes are possible. Run this new drama whenever you feel your negative and in pain, replace that "drama" with one the could happen that you'd like much better. See yourself taking your next step in more empowered ways instead of the damaging cycle you find yourself.
Never forget to practice this as many times a day that you need. Keep a copy of it in your phone, in case you are tempted to call your ex. Put copy in your car to remind you to stop yourself before your done by his or her new living situations.